Thursday, July 30, 2009

Random Outtakes from the Beer Summit

Obama: So, Sgt. Crowley, these are my daughters, Malia and Sasha. Hey! Want to see their birth certificates?

Crowley: Jordan was overrated. Larry Byrd.
Gates: Bullshit!
Obama: Not even going there.

Gates: It's like at the end of "Do the Right Thing."
Obama: Exactly.
Crowley: I liked the old guy with the hat.

Obama: What's the name of the place where the Sox play?
Crowley: Fenway?
Obama: No, it's like . . . Comersky, or something. Wait.

Gates: Hendrix.
Crowley: Clapton.
Obama: ZZ Top. What? What's so funny?

Michelle: Barack? You get your lazy ass up here!
Obama: Honey! I've got friends over!

Gates: Don't look now, Barack.
Obama: Oh, ferchrissakes.
Crowley: What?
Biden: Hey, guys! What's shakin'?

Gates: I loved her, and she left me!
Crowley: Dude, she wasn't right for you.
Obama: I know it hurts. Have another.

Biden: There was this one time when I was . . .
Obama, Gates, Crowley: Shut up, Joe.

Gates: By the time I'm done with you, you're gonna be my porch monkey, bitch!
Crowley: Whoa!
Obama: Guys! Guys!
Gates: Ha! Just kidding. Mostly.

Biden: I could teach you how to play quarters. Huh?

Obama: Aw, c'mon, guys.
Crowley: Go on.
Gates: Say it, bro: boo.tay.li.cious!

Biden: One time I was in Sarajevo, and . . .
Obama, Gates, Crowley: Shut up, Joe.

Crowley: Gotta go with tits.
Gates: Ass.
Obama: Arms. What's so funny?

Crowley: You said, "Yo mama."
Gates: I was talking with my mom; "Yo, Mama!"
Biden: I think . . .
Obama, Gates, Crowley: Shut up, Joe.

Gates: See you around, Barack. You, too, cracker!
Obama: Thanks for coming, Sgt. Crowley.
Crowley: My pleasure, Mr. President.
Biden: Shoot. Did I miss the teachable moment?
Posted by at 9:40 PM

26 comments:

  1. Crowley: Spell 'tumultuous'
    Obama: T...U...M...O...R...
    Gates: That ain't right!
    Biden: Like I said, 'Obama will be tested'.

    ReplyDelete

  3. Outstanding!!

    Papa Ray
    West Texas

    ReplyDelete

  4. Pretty funny stuff Dan.

    Were you there or something? The dialogue seems pretty plausible

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  5. Thanks, guys.

    Rocketman (since there are two Bobs), I have my sources. "You're running away." "Her name is Emily."

    ReplyDelete

  6. Pays to read lips I guess, great work.

    ReplyDelete

  7. Dan,

    You know Professor Marvel..?

    How about Lydia the tattooed lady?

    ReplyDelete

  8. Young, white, old and greedy,
    was your eyes missing when Soweto bleedin',
    when Tsietsi Mashinini tossed his stone
    of Black Power on June sixteen?

    "Whore children," screamed white police
    towards black students yelling "white pigs!"
    The angry crowds snapped white bones with ease,
    and the truth be was Soweto who showed mercy.

    ReplyDelete

  9. Now you've gone and done it, Dan.

    Just had to go and piss off the New Black Panthers, didn't ya!

    This could get ugly. Pass the Cheesy Puffs, Enoch.

    ReplyDelete

  10. That's some powerful white-devil-cursing verse, Anon. My fist is so raised!

    Black Power!

    Africa Unite!

    No Woman No Cry!

    ReplyDelete

  12. The June 16 Soweto uprising's immediate cause was that forcing the teaching of Afrikaans (which was widely viewed, in the words of Desmond Tutu, as "the language of the oppressor")on students who wanted to learn English wasn't sitting very well.

    Fast-forward to the U.S. of A. today, with untold thousands of mostly illegal immigrants refusing to learn English, and their 'handlers' on the Left pandering to keep them 'oppressed' by not requiring English as the U.S. of A.'s principle language. Pandering to race and identity; all the while crying RACISM! if we skewer their or Obama's anti-constitutional policies.

    (Oh, and poetic Anonymouse, you know that of the 23 people killed on June 16, 1976, only two were white? It would break a leg for you to get the facts right, eh?)

    ReplyDelete

  13. What's the last line of the lovely poem conclude?

    Johannes Phokela, he makes a monumental stone case for art.

    Hahaha, how I love that line.

    Punked ass white hick, no go to Soweto.

    ReplyDelete

  14. Hey edge,

    Got any really hip poems about how great Zimbabwe and South Africa are doing now that they've put the whiteys in their place and gone full on commie?

    I mean, those two countries were some of the richest and most productive in Africa before communization; what happened?

    Sing me some song of Mugabe and his thugocracy; of Jacob Zuma, the ANC, their redistributionist policies that wrecked the economy, and the nearly 25% unemployment...

    Sing me some songs, oh poet of the proles!

    ReplyDelete

  15. Quoted from and linked to at:
    http://www.thecampofthesaints.com/2009.07.26_arch.html#1249074176746

    ReplyDelete

  16. Bush is Mugabe.
    Mugabe is Bush.
    Come kiss me,
    on the tush.

    ReplyDelete

  18. Edge - if there were any cheesy puffs left, i wouldnt have gotten in all that trouble.

    but here, pull a drag on this fatty...

    gooood shit, eh?

    ReplyDelete

  19. Is this Wasilla bud or what? Tastes like Eskimo twat.

    ReplyDelete

  20. Why not use real quotes? The Wisdom and Grace of Elizabeth Gates:

    Elizabeth Gates: “As our family rounded the corner to the White House library and I first caught sight of Sgt. Crowley’s lovely daughter; she was wearing an appropriately heavy and charmingly untrained amount of green eyeliner on her lower lashes, and I saw my former self in her.”

    Elizabeth Gates: “As we walked by a set of French doors that gave a clear view of this highly anticipated talk, I saw Mr. Obama’s lean body coolly draped over a lawn chair…”

    Elizabeth Gates: “And while I might agree with the president’s initial statement that the “Cambridge Police Department acted stupidly,” my father is not the first nor will he be the last black man to be arrested for no reason—in his own home or elsewhere—and Sergeant Crowley isn’t the first officer to fudge a police report.”

    Elizabeth Gates: “They are simply pawns in the rebirth of unfashionable intolerance in a world that likes to think our dashing brown-skinned 44th president has emerged to make nice with the past, present, and future.”

    Skip Gates: “The president and the vice president are great men, Liza…”

    Skip Gates: “You know, Crowley’s not a bad guy. He’s not a Joe the Plumber who wants to represent the Right. He would be horrified to be considered a racist.”

    Skip Gates: “[T]here are approximately 800,000 black men in prison and on July 16, 2009, I simply became one of them.”

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  21. Is Joe the Plumber racist? I hadn't heard.

    ReplyDelete

  22. Yes, all bald white men are racists, or war profiteers like Daddy Warbucks, or both.

    Even Carville.

    Didn't you get the memo?

    ReplyDelete

  23. Joe -

    they mustve forgotten the TPS report... cause I received no memo.

    ReplyDelete

  24. Forgetting the TPS report is almost as bad as eating the cheese puffs saved for the kids.

    But not quite as bad.

    ReplyDelete

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